Love is complex
Throughout my years here on earth, I’ve learned that life is full of highs and lows. Have you ever reach a point in your life where you feel fully content with everything? Its like you’re on cloud 9 and seems like it can last forever. While you’re taking this amazing drive on the road of life, it seems as if nothing could go wrong. All of a sudden you start feeling these bumps in the road and think nothing of them. The road becomes more jagged and you begin to loose control, eventually bringing this beautiful dream to an end. These trials are what life is all about. One thing to understand is that these experiences are what we learn the most from.
When someone breaks up with you it is not a good feeling. When you truly care about someone, these feelings begin to permeate throughout your entire body filling your heart with genuine feelings and deep connection with this person you’ve invited into your life. As everything is going well, sometimes you just stop and secretly congratulate yourself for taking the risk of stepping outside your comfort zone and not letting the opportunity of getting to know this person pass you by. If you didn’t choose to make initial contact, with this person the feelings you have now wouldn’t exist.
When you experience a breakup it’s like no other feeling in the world. Immediately you start searching for solutions and questions asking the world, why did this have to happen to me. As soon as the breakup is official it seems as if the whole world stops. Feelings of happiness, sadness, confusion and all experiences you’ve had with this person, start racing through your mind. You start feeling like there could never be anyone else in this world as great as her/him. Emotion begins to fill you up to the point where you have to eventually let it out. It feels like you’re dreaming and you just want to wake up.
Afterward, memories of everything you’ve done in your relationship up into this point pops into your mind.
- The first time you laid eyes on her
- The conversations
- First date
- First kiss
- Museums you’ve been to
- That warm hug you gave her
- That smile
- Birthday Celebrations
- Staring deeply into her eyes
- Valentines Day
- Plays
- Movies you’ve watched with her
- So much more
She was the stuff that dreams were made of. And will always hold a special place in my heart
Once reality sets in you start to analyze everything you’ve done and all things you wanted to do while you were still with her. You ask yourself questions like; What happened? Why me? Could I have done more? Can I change this? What about the trip to Europe we planned? How can I go on? Will I ever be able to feel these feelings again? You ask yourself these questions because it is now a problem in your life and you desperately want to find a solution. I’ve learned that in life there will be problems that don’t always have solutions no matter how hard you try. Some things in life lead to breakups that are beyond our control. You can only do so much to make the other person feel the same way you feel.
Love is an ambiguous term. To truly understand what love is to experience it in a relationship. There are many people today that are still trying to figure out exactly what it is. If I were to give my high level definition of it, it would be, when you meet someone that makes you feel complete. Love is when you’re able to have long lasting intense feelings of deep affection with another person, you invite into your life.
Now when you’re in a relationship there are a base set of criteria that need to be met across the board throughout the entirety of the relationship, such as loyalty, respect, time for one another, intimacy, trust, genuine feelings for each other.
Throughout my life, I’ve learned that I am a person who has unconditional love. My definition of unconditional love:
A type of everlasting love in which you would wholeheartedly do anything for someone. You would do it without them even asking just because they mean that much to you. Its the type of love where you don’t want to change anything about that person and you love them for who they are on the inside.
What I’ve learned from a breakup is that I truly do not worry about anything in a relationship other than the way that person makes me feel. I live my truth by living my life in a way that is congruent with my thoughts, words, and actions moment by moment.
Unconditional love is when you love someone even if certain criteria are not met. Now keep in mind, like I said before every relationship is based on a set of base criteria that both parties must abide by. With that being said I don’t believe that unconditional love should be based on anything that is beyond the person’s control. When you share a deep connection with someone you should be able to overlook things such as age, your partner’s family, mental or physical condition, etc. This means the person will love you based on how you treat them, the way they make you feel, loyalty, and other elements that are specific to the relationship itself.
Overall, we all have to understand that sometimes breakups do happen, for reasons far beyond our comprehension or simply reasons you don’t agree with. Take this time to sit down and ask youself the following questions when the relationship comes to and end:
- Why did the relationship end?
- Did I consciously or subconsciously play a role in the demise of the relationship?
- Have I been realistic in my expectations?
- Did I struggle to receive love in the relationship?
- What do I want in my next relationship?
You can feel everything is fine and the next day it just ends like that. As people, we must be able to move past this and fully understand that in life there are ups and downs and we have to roll with the punches that life throws us. Going through a breakup may not feel good now but it is a learning experience and not the end of the world. Use this opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you truly want out of life.
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